Tracy Morgan

People live too much of their lives on email or the Internet or text messages these days. We're losing all of our communication skills.

Cool is the enemy of funny. You can't be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do that.

I know how people are. We fixate on controversy and all that.

I've gone through my trials and tribulations, and sure, it's gotten bumpy and all that, but I'm here. OK?

The further you go, what, I'm gonna wait til I'm 80? Naw, I'm tellin' my story now. I was just moved. I was moved to tell my story. You know? People write books all the time.

What you have to understand is that my thing is not glamour. I love stretch marks and C-section scars and all of that. I'm a grown man. You don't gotta put on no makeup with me.

There's nothing wrong with looking at a woman's kneecaps.

The sexiest part of a woman's body is the back of her kneecaps.

If she's not spoken for, and you come at her correctly, like a man, she'll get with you.

I love working with Alec Baldwin. He's one of the five greatest actors ever to live.

I don't get on the phone and prank people and things like that on the phone with people, no.

I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

My father was the role model I looked up to. My dad was an entertainer, too. I patterned my life after him. He wanted me to do better than he did. He never sold a record in his life, but to me, he was still a rock star.

Welcome to post-racial America. I'm the face of post-racial America.

There aren't a lot of guys out there keeping it real. Everybody's been branded. Everybody's been bought and sold.

I'm no Jerry Seinfeld. I wasn't raised with some backyard with a creek and trees and all that.

America doesn't like to hear about things like welfare. 'Don't talk about that. We don't like what it did to people!' Yeah, but it happened.

Sometimes I think we're exposed to things we shouldn't be exposed to too early. I think that sets the tone to a person's whole life. Trauma.

If I get some Bruce Lee nun-chucks that he actually used in a movie, those are going in the case. Those will never be used. Those will never be touched.

Having boys is different. Boys, you put sneakers on, and they're out, they're ready. Girls, you gotta pay a little bit more attention to them.

I have the person at home, the person who has his privacy, too. Michael Jackson didn't do the moonwalk in his kitchen.

It gets scary when you're dealing with people who don't know how to separate fact from fiction.

I don't even read the newspaper; I don't read that crap.

I guess I'm entertaining; I guess I'm interesting. I guess the things that I say sell papers. I guess they sell magazines. I don't know.

You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella.

Some people believe everything they see on TV. People, it's called tel-lie-vision!

I have friends who are black, white, purple, gay, straight, Martian, yellow, old, and young. I have friends who are animals and a few who I believe to be robots. All of them are people to me. In my mind, it's not about what you look like or what you do; it's about who you are inside.

I've got friends who want money but don't want to do anything to earn it.

When you're in the spotlight, people want to dissect you and then put you back together the way they want you.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I'm not getting any younger. You're not getting any younger, so yeah. You age.

You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing.

I don't believe in storks. I know they don't deliver babies; they deliver pickles.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah.

My fans would love to see Brian Fellow come back. I love my fans. And they like my edge.

Stand-up is my foundation. That's where it started at. And I love it because it's personal. It's mine. It's all me. It's my experience in life.

Most people don't know what's happening around them because they're just speeding through life. And before they know it, they're just old. So I just try to slow it down.

I don't see myself as angry, although other people see that. I just see myself as a short, dumpy guy with bad feet, and I'm passionate.

Anybody who's lived in the ghetto knows that you don't move during the daytime. Here's why: You don't want anyone to know you're leaving, and you don't want anyone knowing where you're going.

I have a heart. I want people to see me with their heart and not their eyes.

I don't control the line of 'funny,' 'funny,' 'funny,' 'not funny.'

I'm a black man in America, so I'm going to be misunderstood.

The most romantic thing I ever did to my woman? I painted her toenails!

The only person who knows what's in my wallet is my wife.

If I gamble, I'll play roulette. My wife and I will play roulette, and that's about it. I'm not a heavy gambler.

Comedy should be easy, not laboured.

When Richard Pryor did comedy, it was like he was having a conversation.

For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business.

'Saturday Night Live' was the joy of my life.