Joe Bob Briggs

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it 'romance and adventure.'

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

In other words, New York has gone all suburban and bourgeois on us.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.