I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

More Quotes by W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I like children - fried.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.