My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.