I'm grateful for every day I'm still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it's the preservatives that keep me going. That, and I eat as much chocolate as I can get my hands on.
More Quotes by Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
Never floss with a stranger.