The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Never floss with a stranger.

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.