Regular people are the problem. It's not the government, it's not the invasive Big Brother, it's the fact that we're a nation of snitches and nosey people who then cry when somebody wants our personal information. I'm talking about people who are being voyeuristic to people's privacy.

I never expect anything. The more good things that happen the better, but I never expect anything.

You can't apologize for who you are on a stage, you can reveal who you are but don't apologize because that's begging the audience to turn on you.

Everyone has a reason why their particular sacred cow is the sacred cow to be honored.

Realize that doing comedy is only going to make your depression worse.

It's not a hard job, radio or standup, there are hard parts of it, sure. There are guys who do ten hours of construction a day don't want to hear me talk about my job being difficult. Compared to what a lot of people do, this is genuinely easy.