How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.