My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.