Tim Dillon

I am uninterested in Jennifer Aniston's take on anything.

I've done a lot of strange gigs.

There was something really fun about when I used to do bus tours. I was on mic all day, trying to be funny and subversive.

Most comics don't deserve money.

I love crowd work, I love riffing, I love the intersection of when I have a bit and I can ask you something and build off your response and turn it into something.

I want to make everyone laugh.

My job is supposed to be about making whatever I'm talking about funny.

The media is at a fever pitch all the time but most people are just trying to pay their bills and are just trying to get by.

I'm comfortable with dark comedy.

I don't shy away from the realities of what is going on.

Society is held together by duct tape and a lot of these fragile mechanisms are starting to break down. I have found a way to make that funny.

Stop making celebrities do podcasts!

I will make Logan Paul president.

I tried to sell mortgages for just under a year and saw the tail end of the mortgage crisis. I was not great at it. There was nothing really to sell. The only people at that time who were left in the business were idiots like myself.

Yeah, I bought a house with a subprime mortgage in 2007. It was a two-year fixed rate and, like everybody else in America, I had no idea that in two years you wouldn't be able to refinance. It was foreclosed in 2010, right before I started stand-up.

My comedy is not like the tightest thing in the world. There are punchlines, there are jokes, but it's like, I like the space to be loose. Especially in a long set.

When you really fall in love with someone, you start making stupid decisions. That's why rich people guard themselves against it.

I'm sure Jason Bateman is a swell guy. No one wants to know what he thinks about anything. He's a brilliant actor and I love everything he does, but that's the only capacity that I want him. I do not care what his hot takes are.

People that are good at podcasting are good at it, precisely because there is no other option for them.

YouTubers are going to have millions of dollars, millions of fans, and no skills when they're all 40.

My sensibility has never been political. The things I find funny are generally apolitical.