Jean Kerr

I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

Nobody ever wrote better about domestic things than Robert Benchley.

I'm congenitally vague.

It's easier to write about what you know. I wouldn't write about a Wall Street broker, for example.

'Lunch Hour' is suitable for a teenager.

Affairs have been going on since Tolstoy.

I have two trifling ambitions in the theater: to make a lot of people laugh and to make a lot of money.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.