Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

I hadn't been in Vegas 20 minutes when I got word that the bookmakers were offering three to one that Frank wouldn't show for my wedding.

You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.

I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it.

Ten million dollars after I'd become a star I was deeply in debt.

There are lines that I know are going to get a belly laugh, but after a few shows I get sick of hearing myself say them so I drop them.