Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
More Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.