I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.