A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.