I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.

Always tell the truth - it's the easiest thing to remember.

Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance.

I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we used to say you can get further with a kind word and a gun than just a kind word.

There's no such thing as talent; you just have to work hard enough.

People may or may not say what they mean... but they always say something designed to get what they want.