The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can't keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer's side of the partition.
More Quotes by Daniel Mallory Ortberg
I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian.
Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored.
A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself.
It's an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies.
I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12.
I spent the first 22 years of my life absorbing everything, like a big disgusting cell, and now I'm disgorging it with jokes added out into the world. That's a really gross metaphor.