My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it.

It is easy to make promises - it is hard work to keep them.

Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century, and it was called Wiff-waff! And there, I think, you have the difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner; we looked at it an saw an opportunity to play Wiff-waff.

I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.

There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge.

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.