Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

You can't do comedy with a beard.

The journalists have obviously failed to capture my innate magnetism, humour and charisma, and they all need to be fired from their newspapers right away.

I did six series for the BBC and that was enough. I've been writing for ten years, which is more challenging artistically.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.