Yakov Smirnoff

Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.

Never having alone time is real tough on people.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I mean the harmony you can feel in our united determination to fight these terrorists and killers.

Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.

To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper.

I came to America to make it my home, and I did.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.

If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.

We have a choice - we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts.

Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.

When you like something, you find time to do it.

There's depth in my comedy.

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication... which includes laughter.

I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world.

I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own.

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.

We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.

I fed my ego, but not my soul.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.