Sam Kinison

I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

I'm so tired of men who are afraid to hurt women's feelings.

Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.

You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pat your house payment. That's a tough crowd.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

What am I responsible for? Who am I responsible to? Everybody? How come when Archie Bunker nailed everybody, it was funny - but when I do it, it's not?

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.