Joe Lycett

My philosophy is, if I couldn't say it in front of my grandmother, I probably shouldn't say it.

I used to sing classical music to the flowers in the garden and imagine they were all different parts of the orchestra. It used to really annoy the neighbours.

I love painting. I love writing. I love creating and being around people who are creating.

As a child, I used to bite my toenails, which is grim. I can still do it.

I think it's important to go out and gig all over the country, it makes you a better comic.

I think it's important some people do publicly go 'Hey, I'm not straight and I'm not gay. I'm somewhere in the middle and that's ok.'

Best place I've visited is probably Tanzania when I was younger and I'd love to go to America as I haven't been to loads of places there yet.

I'd love to grow a pair of discreet wings so I could just fly around a bit and impress people.

I often ask people in the audience what their favourite cheese is. Anything less than Gruyere and they're just not middle class!

I don't do vulgarity, I prefer to talk about nice things.

It is amazing that I'm making a career out of comedy, my family can't quite believe it.

I do a very good impression of Louis Armstrong.

I like to show off. But I'm not fussed about fame particularly, I don't go to things and I don't go to celeb events or whatever, that's not really my vibe.

I never wanted to be famous, I just wanted to be creative for my job, I suppose, and perform.

I think the city isn't talked about enough, there are not enough people championing Birmingham. When I was at university in Manchester I wasn't a fan, I was a bit down on my home city. But as I've got older I love living here. It's easy to get around the country to gigs, and it's a calming, friendly city.

Even though I now eat meat, I have halloumi every day - even at breakfast.

I'm a qualified swimming instructor.

I sleep all the time! I often leave an event early because I want to have a snooze.

My parents have always been very supportive and it hasn't been an issue. Mum worried I might get more problems in life because of my bisexuality but I think people are more liberal now.

I originally came out as gay when I was a teenager, then backtracked when I thought I had closed off the market a bit!

Alan Carr is an out and proud gay man but there isn't a famous bisexual equivalent - it's a lot rarer.

It's a bit embarrassing for a company to be exposed for wrongdoing, but it's really embarrassing if it's done by making them the butt of a joke.

You can't go too far wrong with the Pointer Sisters.

I don't think I like sharing the limelight.

In England, there are four major cities within a two-hour drive, so the comedy circuit thrives as a result.

I don't have too much of a grand plan.

A theatre tour as me, Joe Lycett, with support acts. That would be the dream.

I try and avoid the big comics in Edinburgh. You can see them on tour. Edinburgh is all about seeing the smaller comedians.

Competitions are great. Unlike a lot of other creative industries they are a great way of climbing the ladder early on. If you win a comp you get on the big clubs' radar. Some people are not great at competitions, so it doesn't work out for everybody, but it is certainly a good way of getting seen by industry people.

I'm good at throwing fabric on myself!

My sewing skills are terrible!

I quite like the idea that I'm a situation.

I'm not that sort of writer where I can restrict myself to a theme, just in case nothing good comes of it.

I'm so British and polite that creating a scene or being confrontational is so not my vibe.

I remember weeping silently in bed after watching 'Titanic.'

I make a sensational chicken, chorizo and mung bean stew.

I buy flowers for myself all the time. I'm comedy's Elton John.

As a comic, you just want to be liked.

I just want people to have a laugh.

The idea was to become an actor. Then I found I really didn't like acting.

I would like to be constantly thinking about life, trying to make it funny.

I think it's something to do with the nurturing side of the psyche; tying up a sunflower or whatever and helping it grow, it is just some kind of core human experience.

It's a cliche, but the people who enjoy your work and who come up and say, 'I enjoyed that and I liked that,' they are the people who ultimately are keeping you in work. And so, it would be rude and ungrateful of me to be anything but polite.

When you're going into companies and you're secret filming, I didn't realise the amount of protection that you need legally before you can do just the slightest thing.

Because lots of LGBTQ people are really smart, and there's so much really interesting reading that can be done, and so much academic writing that's been done about it, people can end up getting quite academic about it.

World domination was never the plan.

I'm not sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert. I love being around people, but sometimes I do need to go off and fart.

The thing about Birmingham is, no one spends their evening looking over your shoulder thinking: 'Is that Nick Grimshaw?' and wondering if there's a better night they could be on. Because there isn't.

There's a viral video of a young girl learning to say 'who' but pronouncing it as 'wah' which I think could be one of the funniest things that has ever happened.

There's a beautifully simple sketch in the first episode of 'Smack the Pony:' two women approach each other walking their dogs and as they pass the women bark at each other, the dogs remaining perfectly calm. It kills me every time.