Eddie Izzard

I'm a one-man idiot.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.