Chris McCausland

Discrimination is never a good thing.

I got myself into bad situations because I didn't want to ask for help.

I do the 'News Quiz' on Radio Four, but I don't want 'Have I Got News For You' to be morphed into the 'News Quiz' just because I'm on it. They're both great shows.

I still like 'Die Hard 1,' '2,' and '3' because I know what happens, but I watched '4' after I went blind and it was just one long action scene. It's the same with super hero films. Even if there is audio description on the DVD, they are just like an audio book.

If you've got 300 people in the room and you tell a joke, a hundred laugh, a hundred smile and a hundred don't know what you are talking about.

Any form of self-deprecating humour is good in moderation.

I went to Worcester College for blind and partially sighted people, but could see quite a bit.

Why is it that 75% of blind and partially sighted people of working age are without employment. That's three times the national average. Is that discrimination? Well, I would argue it is, so let's try and fix it eh? I think the government can commit to something better than what they already do.

Disability is everywhere. It's just something that happens. It could happen to friends, family, loved ones. It could happen to you. I mean after all; you know what us disabled people say. There are only really two types of people in this world. Those of us that are disabled, and those of us that aren't disabled... yet.

As well as being a comedian, I am - whether I like it or not - representative of another group of people, people who are blind, people with a disability and people who are underrepresented.

Disabled people are often some of the most resilient, creative and determined people you will ever likely meet.

I've heard too many stories of disabled people securing employment, to then only have to wait far too long to obtain the support that they need.

Access To Work is a vital Government service that provides workplace support and access technology to disabled people. It is wonderful that it exists, but I believe it's under resourced.

I'm a slave to my iPhone like everybody else.

It's great that there's people coming through who are able to represent disability while also having the experience to do the job properly. There's no point fast-tracking performers on to TV before they're ready.

I like a challenge, I like new things, I like being out of my comfort zone, but I need to know that I can do good and represent myself and represent other people well.

I feel very lucky to be born into one of the most developed, relatively accepting and progressive countries in the world. But why is it that it's a country where 50 per cent of disabled people of working age are without employment, that's twice the national average.

Many, many years ago before I got into comedy, I applied to be a spy for MI5. I got down to the last 30 out of 3,000 applicants. The top 1 per cent of potential spies that this country had to offer before they decided no, a blind spy wasn't what they were looking for but, you know, I think they had a point.

I will never discriminate against any sort of mince pie, all of them are equal to me and will no doubt meet the same undignified end as I try and fit it all in my mouth in one go.

I love mince pies. I love mince pies so much.

I worked in a call centre for three-and-a-half years. I've tried to find something funny to include in my stand-up but I could never find anything. When the money's coming in it's amazing how it motivates you, but when it's a bit slow the mundanity of the job and the lack of respect people have for you phoning them gets to you.

I used to do web development. My eyesight deteriorating made me stop. Websites became more about making things look pretty. I could do all the programming but I was making ugly websites. I ended up taking a job in a call centre doing sales. That's where I was when I started doing the stand-up.

I played my last game of football when I was about 17 when I ended up in hospital, because I went in a little harder on a challenge than I should have, not realising one of the players was so close to me. I could have easily broken his leg. He jumped out of the way and his knees went into my head and knocked me out.

I've got retinitis pigmentosa, a hereditary eye disease. My mum and my sister have got it too. I've had it since I was born. You start off with normal or as-close-to-normal-as-you're-going-to-get sight and it deteriorates.

I love a bit of heavy-metal.

I was a huge standup fan, so used to get videos every Christmas: Alan Davies, Jack Dee, Lee Evans.

I don't mind being a bad dancer. I don't mind people laughing at me because I'm a comical dancer or a bad dancer, but I didn't want it to be a calamity because I can't see.

Stand up ultimately becomes a comfort zone, doesn't it? And even though people think it's brave and all that, it just becomes a regular Tuesday.

I suppose you could say that stand up is that thing of feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

People think you can't do anything if you're blind.

I said no to 'Strictly' a few times because it was completely unknown in terms of standard and what the dances were because I couldn't even go and watch it.

You don't want to keep on mentioning being blind because it stops being funny - if you are just talking about that, people are going to get bored of it.

Other comedians have more flexibility and more mental freedom. They can be loose with what they have written.

I came across a thing that said you could be a comedian in two weeks and I thought 'behave - nobody could do that.'

I could never read the letters on the blackboard or anything at school, but I could run around and play football.

I think there are low expectations of people with disabilities - sometimes you'll come down a set of steps into a taxi and people say, 'Wow, how did you do that?'

I got shingles and was signed off from work for two weeks. I was bored out of my head and as a dare from myself I decided to have a go at stand-up.

I never expected dancing to be emotional.

I probably own more guitars than I know chords, mind.

There's no point fast-tracking performers on to TV before they're ready. In comedy especially, you need experience to be able to react in the moment.

That's my problem with the heat. Because I'm not distracted by visuals, I focus more on what I'm feeling. If I sit on a beach, all I'm doing is thinking: 'God, it's really bloody hot.'

I'm aware that I can only play someone who looks my age, is pasty white and can't see what they're doing!

I've always believed in representation within the mainstream. Integration rather than segregation.

I'm an overnight success, 20 years in the making.

I had no performance skills whatsoever, I never did drama at school.

It happens a lot every four years, or it used to, every time the Paralympics comes around. They'll be like: 'We've had this idea to put all these disabled people together in this comedy show. We've had the idea to send all these disabled people away together.' I've always thought that's segregation and not integration.

We need to get to the point where somebody has a script and they go: 'Well, why can't they use a wheelchair? It doesn't mention it in the script but why can't this person be deaf?'

The problem isn't 'can non-disabled people play disabled people?' The problem is there should be more disabled casting.

I'm blind but I don't see black. I still see light and space, I still have an awareness of the space around me, not in terms of objects and things, but in terms of the room and whether there might be something in front of me.

People go, 'Well, when did you go blind?' And it's very hard to say because when your eyesight deteriorates steadily, you stop being able to do different things at different stages.